1855 ORIGINAL MANUSCRIPT DIARY OF A YOUNG TORTURED AND TORMENTED STUDENT OF RELIGION BESEECHING HIS GOD TO SAVE HIM FROM HIS ENEMY - THE DEVILS TEMPTATION

On offer is an extraordinary, intimate 1855 manuscript diary handwritten by a tortured 22 year old student, Milo S. Boynton of Rodman New York, attending Fairfield Collegiate Institute studying the Sciences of Mental Philosophy, Geometry and Grammer. Milo fills his notebook style diary and relates in detail the torment that runs through his body and soul. He rarely sleeps beyond 4:00 am and sometimes awakes at 3:00 am. While never directly admitting or using the word homosexual he shares enough of his fears and temptations that there seems little doubt what is tearing him apart. Masterbation and his religous convictions may also play a part. Compounding the situation is his abject and profound desire to find his peace and comfort with his god and his religion. He has some very intimate conversations with himself about God and religion in this diary. Historians and researchers of the subject will understand the emotional costs involved when Milo writes "the enemy has gained ground on me today" and talks about giving into certain temptations and that his mind is depressed with a sickness, or he refers to his desires as the devil's temptation, the enemy etc. On the other side of the equation he often brings up having a different "chum" stay overnight with him and his reluctance to admit what "the enemy" is leading him to. In a particularly damning passage he writes: 'I have bid farewell to ______ for 4½ months at ______. Shall I ever forget this night. O what will poor human nature stoop to a hell upon earth. O lord grant to deliver me from this hellish influence O that I loved the Lord more.' With some relief it seems he goes home from college and then a summer job working on a fishing boat. He starts to talk of the 1000's of fish that he has caught and mentions in one entry he is more than 500 miles out into the ocean. The diary runs from Jan 1, 1855 through the middle of the October, with entries becoming more sporadic when he is working on the fishing boat. On the fishing boat he seems to be in pretty ill spirits even writing "O Lord Bless me for Christ Sake. Amen". Of particular interest is a retrospective and final entry from 1856 where Milo rereads his diary and then offers his thoughts on it. He mentions how he can't believe God still gives him mercy after all the sins and broken vows he has committed during his lifetime. Finally and sadly we note from casual research that Milo dies March 28, 1857 (he was born October 28, 1832), so he was 22 when he started writing in this journal and died just 2 years later. One cannot help wonder the circumstances of his death and whether he had made peace with his inner turmoil. We also note that he was the great-great-grandchild of Jonathan and Maria Kinney Boynton. Milo does a super job providing many, many dozens of names of family, friends, teachers and other visitors including: Brother J.C. Vandercook, Br. Van Petten, Sister Vandercook, Br. Cheeseman, Professor Barker, Br. Johnson, Rev. Stebbins, Br. Yeomans, Uncle A.S. Kinney, Br. Livingston +++. There is some chipping to the leather spine, an old water mark along the edges of the book but overall G. ; Manuscript; 12mo - over 6¾" - 7¾" tall; KEYWORDS: HISTORY OF, BRIDGEPORT, CONNECTICUT, FISHERMAN, FISHERMEN, HOMOSEXUALITY, HOMOSEXUAL, LGBT, GAY INTEREST, MILO S. BOYNTON, RODMAN NEW YORK, WATERTOWN, FORT DRUM, LAKE ONTARIO, UPSTATE NEW YORK, GENDER STUDIES, GAY STUDIES, PRE CIVIL WAR, ABOLITION, ANTI SLAVERY, AMERICANA, CHRISTIANITY, PRAYER, CHRISTIAN EDUCATION, HANDWRITTEN, MANUSCRIPT, DOCUMENT, LETTER, AUTOGRAPH, KEEPSAKE, WRITER, HAND WRITTEN, DOCUMENTS, SIGNED, LETTERS, MANUSCRIPTS, HISTORICAL, HOLOGRAPH, WRITERS, AUTOGRAPHS, PERSONAL, MEMOIR, MEMORIAL, PERSONAL HISTORY, ARCHIVE, DIARY, DIARIES, ANTIQUITÉ, CONTRAT, VÉLIN, MANUSCRIT, PAPIER ANTIKE, BRIEF, PERGAMENT, DOKUMENT, antiquité, contrat, vélin, document, manuscrit, papier Antike, Brief, Pergament, Dokument, Manuskript, Papier oggetto d'antiquariato, atto, velina, documento, manoscritto, carta antigüedad, hecho, vitela, documento, manuscrito, papel.